The Karlscotwhitaker Factor, part two

With one more semifluid motion, Karlscotwhitaker broke out of the sinking hulk of mushed wet helicopter and plunged desperately through the ocean. As he did, he quickly took in his surroundings. He was underwater swimming for his life. Of course at any moment he might meet with a fierce shark, but he was sure he could handle it.

Suddenly, a fierce shark charged at him! Again! Karl didn't feel like grating his powerful fist against the abrasive surface of the shark's skin, so he executed a marvelous flip-turn and swam, stroke after powerful stroke, back towards the floating wreckage of the sinking helicopter. Just as he reached it and climbed on top, the very nasty jaws of the shark-beast clipped on past him.

As the wreckage bobbed gently on its last bubble of air, Karlscotwhitaker scrunched his eyes hard and thought. And thought.

Within a matter of mere hours Karl's intellectual facilities had spurted out what seemed to resemble an idea.

"Aha!" he chortled. "I shall simply jump upon this sharky and have it pull me to land!"

Karl gauged his timing perfectly and peerlessly flopped across the back of the shark. Without hesitation, Karl proceeded to hesitate.

"Um.... Now what?"

The shark seemed to know, unlike Karl, and deftly dove down deep into the darkest depths of the dank watery stuff with Karl frantically holding his breath and the shark's tail.

Acting and reacting, Karl quickly grabbed a fish and a piece of conveniently nearby seaweed, tied the fish to the shark's tail to confuse it, and swam lazily to the surface.

When he broke the surface with a "Pppbbthaaaa! Whew! Air at last," he saw what he had wanted to see now for days. He saw life, meaning, reason. What he saw was a boat.

The boat wasn't so big, a thirty-two footer -- Karlscotwhitaker had bigger ones for his bathtub -- yet it was a boat. It had nice blue sides and four cute little enginey things.

Quietly, Karl became uncommonly sneaky. He swam perfunctorily up to the boat and successfully climbed aboard. Quickly he took in his surroundings. He was on a yacht. Of course at any moment he might meet up with a Texas old-driller who owned this yacht and didn't take kindly to strangers and who just might kill him at any moment, but he was sure he could handle it.

Suddenly he heard a voice.

"I'm a Texas oil-driller and this is my yacht! I don't take kindly to strangers and I just might kill y'all at any moment, so watch it, boy!"

"Listen, you utterly vile thing, you!" Karl protested wonderfully. "I'm a fun-loving, kind-hearted, human-being-type-of-thing, just like you!"

To make a long, gory, and nasty story rather brutishly short and sweet, they fought for several continuous moments with much bloodshed on both sides. Karl emerged the victor by a hair or so.

Karl then went quickly below decks to see if there were any other passengers on board. He found a female-type one in the first room he checked.

*** The next four paragraphs have been removed. -Ed. ***

The next morning Karlscotwhitaker looked over the bow. The sun was just popping its large brilliance over the world, when suddenly a dot appeared on the nearby horizon. It went away. It came back again and quickly grew larger.

"Oh look!" Karl blubbered blithefully, "A large dot! Oh. I guess it's a ship. Oh no! A pirate ship!"

Quickly Karl took in his surroundings. He was on a ship that was floating slowly toward land. Of course at any moment the pirate ship might attack, but he was sure he could handle it.

Suddenly the pirate ship attacked! A million jillion pirates swarmed the deck, hacking it to tiny slivers. Karl went into action. He quickly grabbed the flamethrower that was sitting handily nearby in case of pirate attack ("Pull pin, shake well, and remove cap before using.") He ripped out the pin and sent it flying so ferociously that it knocked one of the pirates off the ship. Next he shook the cannister so vigorously that he sent several pirates reeling into the briney deep. Finally he tore off the cap and threw it yonder with such force that it cut through a row of pirates and killed them dead. After that it didn't take long for Karl to wipe out the rest of the pirates with the flamethrower.

Karlscotwhitaker stood on the burning deck among the gajillion dead pirates -- heroicallly.